Day 8: Intense Anger - When Emotion Overflows.

This post is part of a 10‑day series exploring the nine criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), followed by my personal diagnosis story. These posts are educational in nature and rooted in lived experience — they are not intended as tools for self‑diagnosis.

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Some people see anger as a choice.

For me, it often feels like a flood, sudden, overwhelming, and impossible to contain.

The DSM describes this as “inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).”

But that doesn’t explain the why.

It doesn’t explain the fear underneath.

The grief.

The desperation to be heard, understood, protected.

For many people with BPD, anger isn’t about control; it’s about pain.

It’s about feeling invisible.

It’s about feeling unsafe.

It’s about feeling unheard.

It’s about not knowing how else to say, “I’m hurting.”

What This Looks Like For Me

I didn’t think of myself as an angry person.

I thought I was just “passionate.” Or “sensitive.” Or “easily overwhelmed.”

But the truth is, I carried a lot of rage, and I didn’t know what to do with it. (Admittedly, I still do, and I still have no clue what to do with it).

Sometimes it comes out in words I don’t mean.

Sometimes in silence that punishes.

Sometimes in tears that feel like fire.

I’m not trying to hurt anyone.

I do it to protect myself.

I try to make the world feel fair, even for a second.

And afterward, the shame….the guilt…the fear that I’d ruined everything…it consumes me to my bones.

What Helps

• Understanding the root. My anger isn’t random; it’s a signal. A flare. A boundary I still don’t have a name for.

• Learning to pause. Even a few seconds of breath gives me space to choose a different response.

• Repairing. Learning how to apologize without self-erasing. How to take responsibility without spiraling into shame.

• Therapy. Especially learning how to feel anger without acting on it, and how to express it in was that honors both me and the people I love (This is the hardest part for me).

If You Relate

You’re not dangerous.
You’re not unlovable.
You’re not the worst thing you’ve ever said in a moment of pain.

You’re someone who feels deeply.
Someone who’s been hurt.
Someone who’s learning how to hold fire without burning everything down.

Anger isn’t the enemy.
It’s a messenger.
And you’re allowed to listen, without letting it speak for you.